Dating 4 months but not exclusive
Often many partners don’t even know much about a person’s background, prior relationships, reasons for break-ups, moneys owed, children conceived long ago that have just become financial obligations, religious affiliations and beliefs, hidden sexual desires, or family skeletons, before they even decide whether a future is in order or would even work. It is sad to me to so often hear women talk to each other about strategies and orchestrations without talking directly to the guy they’re with.By the time they have figured out that he is attractive, knows how to work a date correctly, isn’t married, and reasonably available, they are too far into the relationship to know how to back up and ask the questions that should have been part of the hours together after the first movie.
He’s not good at (or fears) speaking his truth/feelings (fear of vulnerability) 4.Right after we went on our first date, I met another guy at a wedding I attended.We exchanged numbers, I heard from Wedding Guy a few days later and he informed me that he was having surgery and would be out of commission for a few weeks.In that time, I racked up six more dates with First Date Guy, making him Sixth Date Guy. When Wedding Guy was healthy and called me to make a date, I panicked. Did that mean I was more into him than he was into me?It felt way too soon to have the exclusivity talk with Sixth Date Guy, but too far in for me to go out on a date with someone else. Was I going to ruin everything by making the wrong decision? Here’s what I came up with: I was approaching this dating dilemma in the wrong way. I was dating multiple people preemptively, to avoid getting hurt or I was assuming exclusivity until the guy confirmed otherwise. Sixth Date Guy is following what feels right for him.The relationship meet-greet-proceed or depart sequence can happen on one date, over texting or email, in a rapid hook-up, on a dating site, set-up dates, or totally at random.
You can answer several hundred questions on OK Cupid that tells you more than you might want to know without really knowing anything, or flip through Tinder and wonder how many pictures are photo-shopped.
You can think you’ve met the most amazing person in the world and find out he doesn’t even exist or exempt yourself from someone who might be hiding his treasured self to make you search harder.
With the plethora of superb to ridiculous relationship advice out there, it is hard to imagine that anyone has to wait for just the right moment to ask someone else if they are serious about being monogamous or has the notion that the relationship just might be long-term.
In my last relationship, for example, I continued to date a number of guys up until the very day we had THE TALK, three months into dating.
I went away for the summer after my freshman year of college, we were in a serious, committed relationship. When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. After my 30th birthday, I decided to take the opposite approach and go out of my way to leave my options wide open until the dude broached the subject of exclusivity.
This conversation should consist of (a) your genuine feelings regarding him (b) your idea of what this relationship is and where you’d like it to go and (c) how you both can work together to shift the relationship to “fully committed” status. honest, open communication is KEY in and throughout a healthy relationship. Think of dating a guy as a great adventure Sometime within the first few hours you meet or never.